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briefly [5/12/09 - 11:34 pm] I am thinking of taking another trip to Europe. In August... Instead of BC and down the west coast. Just a heads up. Physics is not getting hard. I am getting less and less good at keeping up with the sample problems is all. I modelled again tonight. It was nice to have some more paid thinking time. And I am cat sitting again. Maybe that's the reason for the LJ post. Cat sitting makes me think of other times I've been here. With Jo, or the breakup scene... comments (0)

Trans-cat [3/29/09 - 10:01 pm] Funny story: I don't know if I posted this or not but I bought my father a kitten for Christmas (well not so much bought as found) because our other nice little cat bit the dust last year. So we found this very cute fluffy black kitten from these people and brought it home and presented it on Christmas morning. My dad loved it and the cat was a terrific success. It came with the name of Emma because of it's green "emerald" eyes and we liked it and all agreed that it was a fitting name. And last week my mom took our little emma in to the vet to become neutered, as we are good pet owners and the cat will be an outside cat so it is best to have these things done... Lo and Behold when my mom walked in the door my dad was on the phone with the vet and a very surprised reaction on his face. Turns out Emma, is a he. We are now changing our pronouns and have decieded Emerson (as in Ralph Waldo) is a nice butnot too drastic name change. hehe. I thought it was funny anyway. So guess what! I am again at that point where I thought I knew what I wasdoing but then decieded it wasn't for me soooo am notdoing it. Except this point has began to feel familiar and a bit old-hat. My favorite and truthfully only philosophy proffessor is leavign the U of Ws, either this year or next year and I don't think I want to stay either. There are fabulous liberal arts programs thatI have been looking at, specifically St. John's College in the states (That seriously costs more than you can actually process at one time) and Vancouver Island University. I know that I couldstay here and then do grad school or something else far away but realy I don't think I am happy with the Uof W and I've hardly begun. It isn't as if I am  two years into a four year degree. I have a rambshackle amount of theatre and philosophy and english courses at this university and I have learned a lot. buuuuut I think I could start again if the program really appealed to me. VUI and St. John's really really do. I am scared that it isn't what I am doing that is wrong but more the fact that I am a commitment-a-phob and thus will never actually accomplish anything. Also, sometimes I think that I won't be able to leave no matter how much childhood day dream space moving faraway from here has taken up. Except, staying feels like accepting and allowing mediocrity and I don't want that either. Also, waaay to go me as I didn't even think about apply anywhere until too late for next year. I don't really care anymore about being SUPER old when I may some day finish school. So what, I am a late bloomer. That is okay with me. Now the question is short term... Next year? comments (0)

saturday [3/15/09 - 12:21 am] how are you? I didn't end up baking a pie today. Hopefully  I will do it tomorrow, I am thinking apple blueberry! So As Marika informed me when I went to go pick up Plato's SYmposium, it is the trifector of crazy dates this weekend! What with Pi day sliced in between friday the 13th and the Ides of March!  Personally, I've been having a pretty good weekend. I worked the closing (or grocery) shift on friday which was nice. SOMA is not going to give me a ton of hours though. I think most I can make up a week will be maybe 10. Should I look for something else? I think I will regroup after exams. I need to do some first aid classes and other things to become qualified to teach swimming. As I am going to take over from my brother this summer teaching swimming out of our parent's pool. It is somewhat easy and fairly lucradive. Plus, maybe I will actually get a tan this year.  My spring plans are fluctuating between going to the Explore program  in quebec (if I get in) and staying in Winnipeg, taking a chem course and a voluntary simplicity class i am very interested in. Also, my friend from Iceland is getting married in May. So maybe I will go to that if  I can. I know she was dating an American... Then if I were to stay here I would hopefully take a trip in August to: ? France? Germany? Visit Franzi somewhere? South America? Burning MAn? The only thing is, many of my friends (With the exception of fabulous Marika) are taking huge europe (and India) trips this spring. Will I be able to keep control of my travel bug while they all jet off to explore the continent? Annnd everyone is coming back for august. Plus, August is kind of a crappy time to go to touristy destinations because that's when tourist season is... I don't know maybe something wonderful will come up. I had a good day after I finally got home. I went for a super long cross country ski down the back of my parent's property into this huge field behind our huge field and all the way to the creek and then along it for a while... I have no idea how far it was but it took me a couple of hours. I am so happy to be out of the city. It is nice that when you get older you start to recognize that you aren't as happy as you can be and there is a reason. Hopefully, it is something you can fix. I also treated my boots, and they now look nice and new, did laundry, applied to be a folk fest volunteer, and an energy exchanger and printed anatomy notes! I have become resolute that I will take more of a proactive approach to relationship sailing. No longer will I passively sit at home and read all weekend! IT is spring! Time to do things. Except, I also made a resolution to study hardily for my anatomy labs and see if I can't get 14 out of 15 on the final two because that will bring my quiz mark (20 percent of the grade) up to an A! And an anatomy A would be sooooo satisfying. :D.  In other news my plans for tomorrow:  -wake, -bake a pie -get a new oven with my mOm and install it -so to 1.5 hours of hot yoga -go skating? If anyone wants to go with me??? and -SLEEP because Monday is nuts 6:3o opening shift atSOMA, till class till election officering till other class till more election officering till 6pm till stagger home to homework.... help. comments (0)

"not a writer," she writes. [2/27/09 - 4:23 pm] Shit. I can not for the life of me edit a freaking short story. Somehow it scares the hell out of me. I set up all these arbitrary cirumstances that MUST be perfect in order for my brain to work poetically, and lingistically, and thoughtfully. Like: a) It must be in my bedroom, or on my futon when josh isn't there b) CBC radio 2 should be playing quietly c) there should be a tiny bit of distraction possible. d) no internet access is crucial e) Must not be in love with some boy who just wants to be friends and is beautiful and wonderful and funny and smart and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh f) should be on MY computer (ie. the one that will not turn on) g) I should be well fed. h) tea should be readily available i) should be a weeknight, or a sunday j) night is better than day  k) I must not be harbouring pent up energy so should have exercized some during the day but L) am not too tired. MNOP) Close enough to a due date that I feel some, but not too much anxiety over completion. A sense of urgency aides. SOOOOOOOOOO : screw it I can't write a freaking short story. comments (0)

and collapse [2/26/09 - 2:53 pm] Yesterday I was so mad. I was so, so angry. At everything: the bus for missing me, at my computer for stubbornly staying off, myself for being mad at Shimby and mostly about not being about to seek any other cosolation about about the lack of respect and intergity shown by someone who I previously held a very high opinion of. I felt foolish and hurt and angry and so full of pent up energy that I would explode. Today I am exhausted. I just want to lay down and sleep for a week. Not go to physical classes and write short stories and make prints. I want to go to sleep for a year. And wake up in a whole new season. WIthout this slush transition, this back to freezing spring. I just want to be in summer, to be figured out and to be alive again. Tomorrow I have a job interview at Soma. Finally. if I don't get it I am very much at risk of hibernating again. Wish me luck.  comments (1)

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